1. Own who you are
Own who you are. We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re
yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person
that we don’t think we possess in
ourselves. But then we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking
for. True love is about loving yourself first. You can only get from
another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
2. Don’t be scared of ordinariness
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover
ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick
is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy.
Then everyday life with the partner becomes extraordinary.
3. Expand your heart
We all want to be happy, which also includes the desire to be close to
someone. To create real intimacy, discover the spaciousness of your
heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to
find the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in
yourself.
4. Focus on giving love
Genuine love is first about giving. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.
5. Let go of expectations
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to
fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you
unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving
that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone
else. Refer to your own resources: offer love, attention, and nurturance
to yourself when you need it.
Then you can let love come to you instead
of putting expectations on what it should be like.
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